This is how my day starts.
One chipper obnoxious voice in my head shrieking “WAKE UP! IT’S A GREAT NEW DAY! GETUPGETUPGETUPGETUP!”, followed by another voice reminding me that if I killed that thing I wouldn’t ever have to wake up. Sometimes I give into inertia and just lay there for hours, other times I actually decide to move along and just get something done.
Today I listened to the Happy. The Grumpy decided to just grumble as I went about the routine. The grumble was specifically about the routine.
“You know if you swallow that, it’ll kill you.”
“Oh great, something you don’t want to eat anyway.”
“Why are you doing that? You know you hate it.”
The weather outside was rainy and for once the voices said the same thing. “Rain! Great!!” (Admittedly, The Grumpy sounded more like “Great…rain.”)
That cheered me up considerably. The white noise of rainfall, the feel of water hitting my skin, and the general sense of separateness that precipitation helps to drown out the voices. I dressed quickly and walked outside. The inane chipperness and contrasting depressing seemed to wash away down the culverts.
I finally had time to myself to just mull and be alone in my own head. You can’t always do what the Happy wants, because it’s insanely optimistic about my chances. Almost got myself killed crossing a street because I thought it was right. Conversely, if I listen to the Grumpy too much, I end up lying in bed wishing I could go back to sleep.
So, that’s my life. Spending time trying to balance my reactions to my voices.
In January 2009, I got serious about working out. A little before that in October, Nicole got me to try out p90x. I tried my best to stick with it but I was so out of shape it wasn’t funny. By January I had decided what I needed to do was to mix up a cardio routine I could stick to, the p90x weight routine, and tracking my caloric intake.
For the first couple of months the only thing I really did well was the calorie tracking. But that initially worked. I lost 10-15 lbs just watching why I ate. That flatlined though an no further progress was to be had and for some reason that just irked me. So I resolved to bike every other day and lift weights every other day. I managed to then get myself to bike but not lift weights. By the end of 2009 I’d managed to drop another 15 lbs.
Then in January 2010 something else happened. I met Stacy. All of a sudden I had someone I wanted to be healthy for. It’s schmaltzy but true. I started to bike more and hit the weights. Then the final kicker, at the end of April, Edward came to Baton Rouge and I completely fucked all of my hard work. I put back on 10 lbs by not exercising and just eating too much. I got so angry that I challenged myself to workout twice a day five days a week and at least once a day the other two.
That I think has made the difference. Since May of 2010, I’ve shed 50 lbs. I’m pushing myself hard and I’ve taken some time off every now and then from lifting but I’ve added in a sit-up routine now as well. My total loss to date is 70 lbs. I’m five lbs from halfway to my goal.
I want to credit everyone who helped me. Stefan and Nicole for getting me started. Nicole alone for partnering up with me for motivation as well as helping me alter my routine. Andrew for frank discussions. Nicole’s friend Sarah (whom I’ve never met btw), for randomly tweeted fitness tips and just general silliness. Stacy Sullivan for tempting me with soccer and making me get to my “soccer weight limit.” And of course my Stacy. For everything. Also for her insightful comments about needing to better target specific areas. I’m working on ‘em I swear.
Two years in and I think I might actually be able to see the horizon. January is a good month.